Why Ask Questions?
So, why ask questions? Here’s my story of why I started asking questions. My wife and I have been together for 32 years and married for 30 years. We started dating just before her 20th birthday. After dating for a year, I proposed to her and we were married a week after my doctorate graduation. We went to London for our honeymoon. Our hotel was just across from Hyde Park. We took a long walk through the park and decided on pizza for dinner. While the establishment was a chain restaurant, it was close and familiar and we were exhausted from the jet lag. We were seated and requested our respective favorite pizzas. When they asked for our drink order, I requested my usual Sprite/7 Up. But her order froze me in my seat….she asked for a beer. Please keep in mind that I met her at 19, proposed at 21 and we were married a month after her 22nd birthday.
Now please understand, it wasn’t that I took issue with her drinking beer. What did bother me was that I never asked her about her alcohol preferences (seeing that she was not legally able to drink alcohol in the first year of our relationship) or knew that she liked an occasional beer with pizza. We were together for two years, yet I never thought to ask her about her alcohol preferences. Throughout our dating relationship, I rarely had wine with dinner or a wine cooler in the summer. I also never ordered an alcoholic beverage when we went out to eat while we were dating…
Over the next few years, I would gradually come to realize that there were a ton of things about her that I had never thought to ask her. Of course, it didn’t help that when we were dating, we lived 45 minutes away from each other and I was very occupied with school. Thus, as time passed, I found myself writing down questions that I failed to ask her while we were dating.
One will never learn everything about their partner before getting married, but I found that it would have been helpful to know which questions were the most pertinent to me, to her and to our relationship. I also realized that many questions that were pertinent to me may not have been as pertinent to her and vice versa. Thus, I just kept on writing down questions. In the middle of doing this, I realized that others might benefit from having these questions available for review with their partner.
I subsequently created a website with over 365 questions that I believed were important to consider asking one’s partner. But shortly after starting the website, we relocated for my new job. And immediately after that, the children started coming along. Thus, the project was placed on an indefinite hold.
So, Why Now?
Twenty-four years and five children later, I decided to resurrect the project. With website creation being far easier than it was 20 years ago, it wasn’t nearly as difficult to get the website started again. After reviewing and updating all the sections and adding updated content, topics, and questions, the project was ready to be shared with you.
One of the reasons why I decided to re-create the website is because my children are developing relationships of their own. While I desire to share this project with everyone else, please know that this project is dedicated to my children, my five sons. I hope that they (that is, the ones old enough to be in such relationships) are either asking their partners or potential partners the appropriate questions to build upon their relationship. Their Mom and I have always encouraged them to ask questions and I’m hoping that they will continue to ask questions of themselves and their partners. I’m also hoping that this project will be helpful in their efforts to build and maintain strong relationships with their partners and children.
Purpose and Intent of this Exercise
The purpose of the project is very straightforward: to ask questions, meaningful and productive questions of yourself and your partner or would-be partner. There is no magic or mystery to these questions. In fact, for those who have already taken on the task of asking themselves and their partner heartfelt and communicative questions, this project may be of little interest or benefit to you. To be honest, it’s my ultimate goal to make this bank of questions obsolete over time. If everyone has learned to ask these questions of themselves or their partner, then it would be a pleasure to archive this site. But until then, I’ll keep it available to all. Please know that this website intends to help you learn about yourself and your partner by asking questions.
Who This Exercise Is For…
Though I have repeatedly referred to the use of this website in terms of one’s partner, please understand that this website is available for anyone, whether you are in a relationship or not. It is for those who want to learn more about themselves and their partner or potential partner. It is not required that you have a significant other or be in a relationship to take advantage of these questions. Knowing yourself regarding these questions will make it easier for you and your potential partner in that it will give you a head-start on becoming familiar with yourself while having a platform for getting to know your potential partner.
With the website being set up for use in both individuals and couples, the site is set up for easily adding someone who wishes to share this exercise with a partner or potential partner.
How It Works and How to Use It
It’s simple. Just ask the questions. With there being two dozen sections, you can work on questions that you feel are most pertinent to you (and your partner). The questions are not in any particular order and you may already know the answers to many of the questions in any given section.
Please know that the key to success in doing this exercise is in doing it to develop a better understanding of yourself and your partner or potential partner.
All of the questions are intended to be plain and simple questions that would be normal questions that anyone would eventually ask of themself or their partner while in a relationship. There are no rude or crude questions, no derogatory questions or questions that are intended to embarrass or offend anyone. The questions are there just to remind one of the things that one should consider when entering into an interpersonal relationship.
It is to be understood that many of these questions are geared toward adult content. While there are no trick questions, there may be questions that some may feel are of a sensitive or personal nature.
If there are sections that are too sensitive or difficult to review, then be aware of this and approach those areas with care and guarded sensitivity. As needed, solicit the help of others, including friends, family members, or professionals. It is understood that everyone has the right to decline to answer any questions with the understanding that this may be an area or topic that may deserve very close attention.
What This Exercise Isn‘t…
This exercise is intended to be fun, helpful, supportive, and uplifting. It is not a game or a contest (with winners and losers; hopefully everyone wins). It is not to be used to coerce or force someone to answer questions that may be a sensitive area or topic. It is not to be used to manipulate one’s partner.
It is not a tool for interrogation. It is not an exercise that is to be used to entrap your partner or to get them to tell you something in any sort of clandestine manner. It is not an exercise to be used as a condition for less-than-upright intentions. With this being an exercise intended to help build up relationships, it is best done in concert with your partner and not as a one-sided “I-ask-and-you-answer” exercise.
This is meant to be an exercise, as in, an activity to help build up your relationship. Please engage in it accordingly.
How Is This Project/Exercise Different Than Other Self-Help Exercises?
Like most self-help projects and exercises, this one is self-paced. You may ask questions as often or as infrequently as you wish. The idea behind “365 Questions” is not that there are only 365 questions (there are actually more than 550 questions) but rather, the goal is to ask yourself and/or your partner a question or two a day. At the end of a year, you will, no doubt, know so much more about yourself and your partner than you knew at the start of the adventure.
You may already know the answers to many of these questions in a particular section. If that’s the case, then more power to you and your partner. Thus, move on to other sections in the exercise. While this list is not an all-inclusive or exhaustive list of questions one would ask of yourself or your partner, it is meant to be a springboard for questions to come in your relationship. This exercise is meant to be the beginning of a quest to asking life-long questions. It’s meant to stimulate you to think about questions that may not be on these lists.
Please take a moment to review the Frequently Asked Questions section. And please know that if you have any questions about this exercise, feel free to contact us at [email protected].